ACT I
Scene 1
A shy man (wearing a blazer and fancy dress shirt) stands between two women at a party. The women (wearing party dresses) laugh and point.
FIRST FEMALE: So, you’re the baby of your family?
MALE: No. No, I’m the “oldest male child” of my . . .
SECOND FEMALE: But your only siblings are your two older sister, right?
MALE: Well, yes. But still . . .
FIRST FEMALE: Which makes you the baby.
SECOND FEMALE (an aside to First Female): I think he’s going to cry.
MALE: I keep telling you. I’m not the baby. I’m the oldest male child. I’m not a baby! I’m the oldest male . . .
Scene 2
The two actresses step back, laughing. The actor steps forward, falls to his knees, rips his shirt and jacket off to reveal a child’s striped t-shirt, and raises his clenched fists above his head. The two actresses, now having removed their dresses to reveal shorts and T-shirts, stand on either side of him and take his hands.
ADULT VOICE (Off Stage): Oh, look at the darling little children. What are your names, you sweet little angels?
FIRST FEMALE: I’m Alicia.
SECOND FEMALE: And I’m Maria.
ADULT VOICE (Off Stage): And what’s your name little boy?
FIRST FEMALE: His name is John.
SECOND FEMALE: But everyone calls him John-John.
ADULT VOICE (Off Stage): How old are you, dears?
FIRST FEMALE: I’m seven.
SECOND FEMALE: And I’m six.
ADULT VOICE (Off Stage): What about you, John-John? How old are you?
FIRST FEMALE: He’s four.
SECOND FEMALE: Four and a half.
FIRST FEMALE: His favourite colour is blue.
SECOND FEMALE: He likes cars.
FIRST FEMALE: His favourite sandwich is baloney.
SECOND FEMALE: But he also likes peanut butter and jelly.
FIRST FEMALE: But he doesn’t like crunchy peanut butter.
SECOND FEMALE: It makes him cry.
FIRST FEMALE: He cries a lot.
SECOND FEMALE: That’s why we hold his hands all the time.
FIRST FEMALE: No, he doesn’t talk much.
SECOND FEMALE: So we help him and talk for him.
FIRST FEMALE: Because he’s the baby of the family.
SECOND FEMALE: Yeah. He’s the baby of the family.
ADULT VOICE (Off Stage): Does your baby brother ever say anything at all?
FIRST FEMALE: Well . . . he does say one thing.
SECOND FEMALE: But he doesn’t say it often.
ADULT VOICE (Off Stage): Well? What is it, John-John? Out with it, little man. What have you got to say for yourself?
Male pauses. Looks up at sisters. Shrugs.
MALE: Yeah, what they said.